MTV Dumps “Choose or Lose”; Tabitha Soren Weeps

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“Choose or Lose,” the slogan MTV has used for their election coverage since 1992, is about to get impeached. Brian Stelter at the New York Times reports that the network has decided to dump the term and will instead go with “Power of 12” for all things political in 2012. The change is likely to go unnoticed by MTV’s audience, as they will be too young to vote and too busy trying to get pregnant in order to get on MTV.

Stephen K. Friedman, president of MTV, tells the Times that the switch came because “Choose or Lose” “no longer truly represented the complexity and the issues that face our audience,” and that “voting is one step in the process—just one step…the question for this generation is, they’ve got this power, will they exert it?”

MTV has made a critical mistake: they’ve used a mathematical term to inspire young people. The only things teens hate more than politics are school and math, and “Power of 12” evokes both those evils. You gotta jazz it up! Sell the sizzle, not the steak, MTV. We’ve thought of some sample slogans for their election coverage that are “dope” and “fresh” enough to make all the kids say “WTF?!?”

“Vote or Get Herpes”

“America’s biggest popularity contest. You want to be popular, right?”

“Just imagine you’re sexting in that booth.”

“Voting: It’s like getting to third base with the constitution.”

“You’re not going to be able to get a job out of college no matter what, so just give it a shot.”