Gossip Girl is a watchable program if you abandon the following luxuries: convincing actors, character development, plot construction, conflict resolution, and expectations of how children age 16-20 act in the real world. In fact, toss aside all those expectations and Gossip Girl is like The Wire: A gritty, true-to-life portrayal of a corrupt, sleazy city. A city where palms can be greased with hundred dollar bills and lives can be changed with the snap of well-manicured fingers. Where Polish maids can hold better tales than any of the pretty young things. Still, some of us are on a time-delay when it comes to GG and like the experience of watching the soap unsullied. So having the show’s most critical reveal spoiled in a poorly written headline as we peruse the day’s gossip is frustrating. Thanks a lot Tim Stack at Entertainment Weekly! Spoilers ahead, if you hadn’t picked up on that yet.

Gossip Girl recap: Dan, Olivia, and Vanessa get REEEEAAAAALLLLY close is the poorest way anyone tasked with covering the serial could’ve hinted to the only pre-Gaga bit of jaw-droppery GG could offer. Maybe it’s how the caps-lock that seems to be stuck or the profusion of vowels and “L” sounds, but that header spins the ménage à trois like an after-school stint at band practice wherein members from the brass section accidentally knocking instruments. And if the below clip is to be believed (you’re already spoiled, so why not!), “after-school” is definitely the best descriptive for the ho-hum moment.